The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
