so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will pee on everything he values.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
