Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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