oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
