Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
