U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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