I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
