why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
there is glitter all over my balls
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
