Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
