There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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