I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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