i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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