I like my sex mixed with concussions.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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