i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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