You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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