When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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