five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I party with great urgency now.
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