just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
