There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
