I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
