i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
