I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
