I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
