I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
