im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
