Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
