You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Terrible idea I love it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
