It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
