You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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