Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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