Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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