You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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