I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
