Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
