i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
