I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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