and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
