Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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