Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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