i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
