there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
