But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
