Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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