How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
