She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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