There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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