i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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