Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
