I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The police scanner is talking about you again....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
