I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dear god my vagina.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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